


Insomnia

by lilmissmaya



Category: Mumintroll | Moomins Series - Tove Jansson, 楽しいムーミン一家 | Moomin (Anime 1990)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Pining, insomia, something's in the forest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-31
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2021-02-25 08:09:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22492840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilmissmaya/pseuds/lilmissmaya
Summary: Snufkin's glad to have met his new friends and to travel with them. he's very glad to have met moomintroll, who is so very sweet and nice. If only his nightmares would let him sleep-
Relationships: Mumintrollet | Moomintroll/Snusmumriken | Snufkin
Comments: 5
Kudos: 110





	1. Chapter 1

Snufkin had never slept well. Nightmares had always plagued his sleep. But he was used to it.

He was glad to have met moomin and the others, happy to travel with them back to moomin valley. 

But he’d even be gladder if he could just get some sleep. The nightmares had become worse than usual, getting just an hour here or there of sleep a night.  
He just wanted some sleep. Half a night even, without a nightmare. 

He struggled out of a bad dream, kicking and flailing until he was awake. Hands on his neck, fingers forcing their way into his mouth and throat- he huddled under his blanket until the threads of the nightmare faded away. Somehow the rest of the group slept through his waking, they usually did. 

The moon had hardly moved from where it had been when he laid down. Dammit all. 

He felt awful, his head full of mud and straw. If he could just sleep…

He could try to lay down again, but the nightmare lingered on the edges of his mind. If he tried to sleep, he’d just go back to where he was, where they could hurt- 

“Snufkin? You okay?” moomin sleepily asked. 

“Yeah, go back to sleep.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.” and a warm, fond feeling rose up in his chest. Sweet thing. Moomin’s breathing went slow and regular, sleeping easily and secure. Maybe if he… no.  
He sat by the fire, hugging his knees through the long lonely hours until the sun rose again. 

Sniff and Snorkmaiden were arguing about something, a direction, a muddy path. Snufkin no longer cared, he didn’t have the energy for it. It was a break, a chance to rest his back against a tree. He closed his eyes and….

Moomin sighed, turning to snufkin to get his opinion on what path to take. To go up on the drier path, or the quicker, boggier one. His friend was leaning on a tree, eyes closed, breathing slow and even. Asleep while standing up? He looked so sweet, his face relaxed.

He paused, reluctant to wake him up if he was this tired. Maybe they should stop for a while-

“Snufkin!” Sniff shouted, waking him up. “Up or down?!”

He blinked, rubbing his face as everyone watched him, waiting for the decision.

“Up.” he said reluctantly. Snorkmaiden sniffed in victory, taking the lead up the drier path. He could keep a lookout for some herbs, Valerian or such. Something he could use to drug himself into a dreamless sleep. Something…

“Hey? Hey! Snufkin!” he jerked out of the doze he’d fallen into while walking. “Are you okay?” moomin’s warm paw was on his waist.

“I’m tired.” he reluctantly admitted. It was very tempting to lay his head on the white-furred shoulder. Rest his exhausted body against him. His head started to droop and he jerked himself alert again.

“Did you sleep at all last night?”

“A little, here and there.” dozing while sitting up counted as sleep, right? The paw was now rubbing his back, warm soothing circles and he found himself sagging against moomin. How long had it been since a full night of sleep? Ages. 

“You want us to stop? You look half asleep.”

“I’m okay, I never sleep well.” he tried to lie with a smile on his face. “I just need some coffee.”

“Well, hold my paw until we find a good spot.” moomin insisted, “so you don’t fall behind.”

He agreed, if only because he didn’t have it in him to protest. It helped to keep him walking in a straight line, if nothing else. This was the drier path, but it was rocky and uneven and he was having a hard time keeping his footing. What if he slept in moomin’s bedroll? His paw was so warm, he’d be so warm and comfortable… no, he couldn’t keep his friend awake with the crying and the kicking that inevitably happen.

He woke up with a yelp, fighting off-

Everyone else was asleep, curled up against the banked fire. No, not again, he was so tired!

He bit his lip, looking around for moomin. He offered to share his bed roll, and moomin's body would feel… he wasn’t sure what the word he was looking for. No one would be able to hurt him with moomin’s arm around him. He wanted that feeling, someone warm and solid and protective. Safe. that was the word. He’d feel safe. 

But snorkmaiden was curled up with moomin, his arms around her. 

Jealousy was an ugly thing, he reminded himself. He turned down the offer, she’d just taken him up on it. Maybe he could just curl up against moomin’s back. Maybe that would help. 

No, that’s not what he wanted. So he took out his pipe and settled by the fire for a calming smoke. It was early enough, maybe he could calm his mind enough he could try to sleep again.

The warmth of moomin’s paw on his back lingered in his memory. Moomin’s paw in his hand. He closed his eyes, flexing his hand. Warm. solid. Safe. maybe… if he could feel like that for a little while with moomin, even just against his back. Maybe that would be enough. Something to keep with him when he was alone again, a memory of safety like a blanket. Even if he wasn’t in moomin’s arms like a lover, like a woman… maybe it would be enough that the nightmares would leave him alone. If he could have that memory…

Something flickered at the edge of the darkness, just where the firelight couldn’t reach. Great, he’d reached that stage of sleep deprivation where he was hallucinating.

Except… it didn’t move like the usual sort. There was too much purpose in movements, like it was watching the camp, trying to stay out of snufkin’s line of sight. 

Just because you were paranoid didn’t mean something wasn’t out to get you. His fatigue lifted, casually putting his hand on his little knife. As long as he was watching it, it wouldn’t come closer. 

He sat up, watching all night.


	2. Chapter 2

“Snufkin, did you sleep?” moomin’s paw rested on the back of his neck, the warmth soaking through his coat. He swallowed hard. 

“A little.” a lie.

“You should have gotten me” he murmured.

“You had company.” it came out without his permission. “‘S’alright, she looked like a comfier bedmate than me.”

“She just kinda…” moomin trailed off, turning red.

“It’s okay.” he said quietly, pretending to be busy with pouring coffee before he could do something silly, like cry. It was hard, a lump coming up in his throat. The lack of sleep, that’s why he was being emotional. 

“I’m sorry…”

“It’s fine, I’m fine.” his hands were shaking, making it hard to hold the coffee. He was at the point that it would do nothing but make him irritable, but at least he didn’t have to look at moomin. He had to worry about that thing that was stalking them last night.

“You don’t look like you feel fine.”

“I’ve gone longer without sleep. I’ll manage.”

“That’s not good.” moomin’s paw was on his back, rubbing in comforting circles. “Have you slept since you joined us?”

“Here and there….” it was hard to keep his eyes open with that warm paw there. He found himself leaning up against moomin, cheek on his shoulder. Just a few minutes, maybe. Just like this.

Snorkmaiden’s scream pierced the air and he was on his feet, knife in hand before he knew what he was doing. That thing from earlier-!

She scrambled around the camp and clung to moomin. “Oh it was awful!”

“What is it? Are you hurt?”

“It had so many legs! And it was slimy!”

“Legs?” it took a moment for his foggy brain to process it. “A centipede?”

“It was huge! Oh it was so gross! Moomin, you have to get rid of it!”

The knife slid out of his fingers and snufkin thought he might cry. Or laugh, he couldn’t tell.

Moomin was looking at him sheepishly as he tried to soothe her.

“I’ll…” he mumbled, grabbing his coffee and turning away. “I’ll get cleaned up. We better go soon.”

He tried not to think about it the rest of the morning. Not to think about how nice it’d been cuddled up to moomin. Or how snorkmaiden hung onto him. It was fine. He was fine. He had to watch his feet, watch every rustling bush. There was a feeling of being followed… and it wasn’t going away.

He couldn’t sit still at lunch, pacing at he ate. He had to keep awake, he had to keep alert. That thing was following them and his foggy brain insisted he had to watch out for it.

Moomin caught up with him with a very sweet cup of coffee. His friend’s face was pale and puffy, he kept pacing as if he stopped for a moment he’d drop. He kept looking around the trees, as if searching for something.

“Hey, hey, stop.” he caught snufkin’s paws, making him stop. “What’s going on?”

“Something’s following us.” he glanced out into the trees again. “I don’t know what it is, it keeps hiding when I try to get a good look.”

Moomin looked around seeing nothing but the normal trees and brush. His friend’s paws were shaking.

“Snufkin, I don’t see anything. Are you sure?”

“I…” he looked confused, unsure now.

“You haven’t slept in ages.” snufkin wobbled on his feet, looking around. He’d been so sure. But his exhausted mind flickered back and forth. Had he actually seen it? Was it a hallucination, like the little shadow mice that kept dashing by his feet? He couldn’t think. Had he seen anything at all?

“I was…” he rubbed his eyes.

“You’re going to sleep with me tonight, okay?” 

“Will there be space for me or will she be there?” he barked out laughing. He couldn’t help it. Every time, she was there!

“She’s just…” and moomin turned red. Always a girl, always! He thought, for maybe a moment, from the way moomin put his arms around him- no he’d been stupid, thinking someone might have feelings for him. The tears finally welled up. Everyone was staring at them and he no longer cared. 

“Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine. I’ve always been fine by myself.” he stalked away from the camp, trembling. He should just go, leave them to their adventure. Leave him to his princess. 

No… he promised to get them back to moominvalley. And he always kept his promises, even if they were painful. 

He could still feel moomin’s warmth in his hand, and he held onto it. That flicker of comfort. He hugged it to his chest, wrestling with his emotions. He needed to calm himself. Stop being hysterical. Moomin was sweet, it was just… friendship. Friendship had to be good enough. He was a loner, he liked being alone. 

Even if he wanted… 

It took him longer than he’d like to get himself pulled together. No one was following them they were safe. He was just seeing things. The lack of sleep was making him paranoid. 

And he continued to tell himself that as they carried on, getting closer to moominvalley. He kept tripping over his feet, falling behind the others. 

He sunk down against a rock, holding his face in his hands. He couldn’t do this. He’d just… rest for a while. Curl up here, close his eyes. Catch up later.   
The brush rustled to the side of him and he reluctantly opened his eyes. Moomin?

A thing on four legs, something that might have once been a wolf or big cat emerged from the leaves. It’s empty eyes held a fierce intelligence, a hunger… and here he was, alone, separated from the group. Just like it was waiting for. 

He was having a nightmare. That had to be it. He was hallucinating, having a nightmare. He was frozen in place, unable to move, unable to get noise out of his throat. 

It stalked forward, taking it’s time. It knew he was too exhausted to fight or flee. 

“Mm-” his throat seized up. If moomin or something could wake him up- wake up wake up WAKE UP!

There was movement from up the trail, someone pushing through the brush. It broke his paralysis, glancing towards moomin, then towards the thing- and finding nothing was there.

“Snufkin, are you okay? You’re so pale!”

“I… did you see anything?” his heart hammered in his chest, like it was trying to break free from under his breast bone. 

“Like what?” he made a little circle, looking around before back at snufkin. 

“I…” he buried his hands in his hair, tugging in frustration. Had he been hallucinating again? He’d been sure, he could smell something like rot-

“Come with me.” moomin said quietly, helping him to his feet and guiding him with a firm arm around his waist. It’d felt real. No, he’d been having a bad dream while awake. It was just a bad dream. 

Somehow they caught up with the others and made a camp for the night. Moomin tried to fuss on him, and snufkin insisted he was fine. He just needed to eat, drink more coffee. But unfairly, moomin sat him down, started rubbing his back. Firm, warm circles that made him melt and his eyes droop. He could.. He wasn’t… he sunk to sleep in moomin’s bedroll. 

Snufkin finally fell asleep, fighting against it until moomin had rubbed his back. He didn’t sleep peacefully, mumbling and twitching as if fighting. 

“Shhh…” if they were home, he could make him a hot milky drink, the same as moominmama made for him when he was small. A sure cure-all for bad dreams. That and a hot bath and he would sleep just fine.

Snufkin mumbled again, tossing his head. He scrunched his face, pulling his arms over his head.

“Shhh, you’re okay. Wake up.” it wasn’t good to suddenly wake someone up when they were having a nightmare, was it? He rubbed his back, his shoulder, smoothed back his hair. “You’re okay.”

Snufkin hiccuped and sobbed, kicking and fighting against some unseen enemy before waking himself up with a yelp.

“Hey.” his friend’s face crumbled, tears welling up. Moomin pulled him into a hug, rubbing his back. “You’re okay, we’re okay.”

“Sorry I woke you up.” he was trembling, but he tried to pull away. Moomin didn’t let him. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

“No.” slowly he relaxed into moomin’s arms. “I should get up.”

“You should get some more sleep, you weren’t down for very long.”

“I can’t. I’ll just… go back into the bad dream. I need to get up and do something. I’ll be okay, I’m… used to it.”

“It's not good for you.” 

“Thanks moomin, but I should-”

“Just lay down with me for a little longer.” he stiffened, but slowly settled in with him, laying his head on his shoulder. “just for a little while. You’ll feel better for resting.”

“Why?” he asked, muffled by fur. He sounded like he might cry.

“You’re my friend.” he ran his fingers through his hair, smoothing out the tangled curls. He sighed softly, starting to relax.

Something rustled in the brush just beyond the firelight, and moomin rolled onto his back to get a better look. There was a stink in the air, making his nose twitch. Snufkin tensed up, making a low moan.

“Hello?” the stink grew stronger, like rotten fish. The brush continued to move, something, stalking, pacing just out of the light. 

“It’s back.” snufkin mumbled, getting to his feet. He was shaking, moomin could feel it more than see, but his hand was on his knife.

It, the thing, broke through the brush, the firelight flickering off it’s skull-like face. It made a chuckling noise as it eyed them, looking over the sleeping children, then at snufkin and moomin. Snufkin stared it down, as if daring it to try. 

“Moomin…” he slipped out his knife, as if the small blade would have much effect. But it was all he had. 

It almost laughed, a hissing noise as it stalked around the camp. Three sleeping kids, a soft-furred moomin with blunt claws better for digging potatoes than fighting, and a severely sleep deprived snufkin with a knife. It liked those offs, keeping its empty-eyed gaze on snufkin. He felt dizzy and sick, the stench getting stronger as it circled closer. He needed to- he swallowed back nausea. He needed to kill this thing. Hard enough if he’d been rested, but what choice did he have?

“Moomin, wake up the others.” he said in a low, calm tone. “And then run.”


	3. Chapter 3

“Moomin, wake up the others.” he said in a low, calm tone. “And then run.”

“But you-”

“Hurry, please.” he didn’t dare look away from the beast. He kept himself between it and moomin as he woke the others and sent them down the trail as fast as possible. He could feel sweat trickle down the back of his neck, adrenaline making him shake. 

It made its move. It was terrifyingly fast, pouncing and pinning down snufkin in the space of a breath. He stabbed at it, head, neck, anything he could reach. His hand became slick with something rotten, but he kept stabbing. It had his shoulder in his maw, claws ripping through his coat as he fought it. How could you kill something that was already dead? At least, at least his friends had a chance to escape. There was that. The more he could hurt it, the better chance they had. He had to damage it as much as he could before- funny, he felt calm. 

He managed to push it off, the flesh of his shoulder ripping away with its teeth, and it coiled, ready to pounce on him again-

And something crashed down on the beast’s head, crumpling it in. 

Moomin with a rock. He slammed it down again and again on it’s skull until it was paste, until snufkin pulled him off. 

“Moomin!”

“I-” he looked at him with wide eyes, as if he couldn’t believe what he’d done. 

“You were supposed to run.” he was lightheaded, and something was dripping off his hand. The sun was starting to come up, and there was enough light he could see the mess that was his shoulder and arm. He blinked, then he was in moomin’s arms. Snorkmaiden was patting his face, her fur a golden halo in the orange light. 

“Please wake up? There we go, snufkin, keep your eyes open.”

“Burn the corpse.” he managed to get out. “And comfrey, make a paste for the wound. Draw the poison out…” it was hard to keep his head up, his eyes open. 

“Of course.” she nodded, smoothing his hair off his clammy face. “I have to wash it out, it’s going to hurt.” he couldn’t make a full word, just grunted in agreement.

He was watching them work on him from somewhere above himself. She cut his coat and shirt off, gave him a rag to bite down on before she started. Moomin was holding him around the chest, tight enough his ribs creaked. His shoulder was a mess of torn skin and muscle, the blood dripping down his chest, into the moss. It didn’t hurt. Poison maybe, shock? If that didn’t kill him, infection would. It was nice that they were trying to save him. 

He faded out until someone patted his face again, put a cup of tea to his lips. It was strong and bitter, heavily sweetened with too much sugar. But it helped the buzzing in his head. 

His shoulder and arm had been wrapped up tightly with his spare shirt. His hand, the one that had been holding the knife was wrapped up too. When did he hurt it? Whoever was holding the mug urged him to finish the tea.

He was dreaming, that must be it. That would explain why he didn’t hurt, just felt cold. This was fine. He’d take it, a nice dream like this. 

“-home isn’t too far away. We’ll take you there and you can stay with us.”

“Sounds nice.” he mumbled into the fur. 

“Are you hurting?”

“No. cold.”

“You lost a lot of blood.” he tucked the blanket around him tighter. “I’ll get you more tea, it’ll help you warm up.” 

“Mm.” he felt himself fading, and he tried to cling to this, his nice dream. Safe in moomin’s arms.

Someone was patting his face again, calling his name. A different voice, calm and mature. He cracked open an eye, gasping as the pain hit him in a nauseating wave. He was alive, and definitely awake. 

“There we go, hello snufkin.” firm paws smoothed back his hair, held his face. 

“Hello?” he managed. An older moomin, fur smooth and silvery was examining him with bright eyes. 

“I’m moomin’s mother. I need to take the bandages off, so I need you to drink this.”

“Eh?” she held something up to his lips and he drank it by reflex. Sweet, it burned down to his stomach and hit with a pleasant warmth. Liquor, something fruity. Another glass of it and he was feeling much better. 

“Thank you momma.” he mumbled, head spinning. “Where’s moomin?”

“He’s washing up.” she tucked a towel under him, before she snipped through the rags bandaging his shoulder. He moaned as she peeled it off, feeling a cold sweat coming up on his face. It was still exquisitely painful, despite the alcohol. She continued, rising away the poultice and old blood.

“There we go, good boy.” she murmured. “I need to stitch it, the wounds are deep.”

“Yes mama.” his vision was gray and he closed his eyes. If he could faint, he wouldn’t feel it.

Someone wiped his face with a cold cloth and held another cup to his lips. More liquor, he drank it obediently. There were voices, but he couldn’t make them out. The alcohol was hitting hard, helped by the blood loss and he sunk into darkness again. 

He woke up sometime later to a dark room. He tried to roll over, but found himself trapped between two warm bodies. Moomin on one side, Snorkmaiden on the other. Moomin’s paw resting on his chest, snorkmaiden’s snout on his good shoulder. Warm. safe. Finally, finally he was safe. 

He snuggled down, and slipped into pleasant dreaming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I figured I'd finish posting this before I went on vacation. I probably could have added more to the ending, and maybe I will come back to this story! please let me know, comments make me warm and happy.


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